I don't like summer crowds (maybe because we have lost our kids so many times??) But, in general, I stay away from any place where I may have to smell be with lots of other people - museums, zoos, amusement parks. (We are the family that visited Disneyland in January during a rainstorm!) I haven't made the pilgrimage to the SF Academy of Sciences, and I have even avoided the new Seahorse exhibit at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.
On Tuesday, August 25th, my twins Ben and Lily had a big day
- they headed to kindergarten at our neighborhood public school. It was
an exciting morning! The First Day of School Fairy came (thank you for
the idea Makes and Takes!)
and brought the kids new lunchboxes, thermoses, some craft projects and
Peanut M&Ms for an after school treat. We jetted off on scooters to
settle in and get introduced. It was a bit disorganized - no true
kindergarten orientation and we got the schedule for the morning at
10:30 as we were leaving...a nice memory, would have been nice to have
that BEFORE the morning began! But all in all, a successful initial
start.
Ben and Lily are in separate classes and Jeff took Lily to her class, while I started in Ben's. I teared up a little as Ben's teacher read "The Kissing Hand" (one of our favorite books that we've had for a long time, courtsey of Nana Sandy)...not really because they were going to kindergarten, but it was sort of a twin parent moment. I wanted to soak in Ben's first day, but I was also a bit sad to be missing Lily's first moments. It is always hard to feel pulled in two different directions with twins (oh, the guilt!). But, as it turned out, Ben's teacher was quick to turn us parents loose, while Lily's teacher took her time, so I was able to luckily make it over to Lily's class and hear her teacher read "The Kissing Hand" as well (and to get my special kiss!). Having Ava there as well complicated things just a bit, but she was very patient and excited to see what this kindergarten was all about, so it was fine.
Continue reading "Back to school: Ben and Lily's first few weeks of kindergarten is a mixed bag" »
I am one of the few crazy people who signed up at two parent participation
schools. Both kids in both schools. Yes, I know. CRAZY. Let me
explain.
My kids (and I) were in the Together Time program at Explorer Preschool and one of the added bonuses (which I didn't initially realize) is that we had priority placement in the 2's class. Yippee! At the same time, I felt responsible for checking out other programs and schools in the area and had always heard rave reviews for the Los Gatos Saratoga Observation Nursery School (aka the Mountain School) so we attended the family open house and submitted an application.
This is where I should insert my rant: it truly annoyed me to be making pre-school decisions for my children when they were ~20 months old. Both Explorer and Mountain School are difficult to get in to for the 3's class (I was told 'virtually impossible' at Mountain School) so I felt like wherever we ended up for our 2's class would most likely be where the kids would be going to pre-school for the next 3 years. I abhor the rat race mentality and here I was, embarking down a road that felt very, very rat-race-ish. Mostly, I felt like I had so much more to learn about each of my children's very different personalities and learning styles and it was difficult to make a decision for them. What kind of environment would they best thrive in?
Continue reading "Two Parent Participation Preschools? Call me crazy. " »
My twins, Angelina and Madeleine, go to preschool. But they stay in the car. Their older sister attends Challenger. Challenger is a circle pick-up and drop-off. This is a life saver. It would not be fun to strap three children into the car, park, take all three out, walk to the classroom, drop off one child, walk back to the car, strap two in, then leave. Not to mention doing the same routine in opposite order for pick-up time! (Doesn’t just thinking about it exhaust you?)
While I don’t have experience in having multiples in preschool, I have learned two practical factors to consider in choosing a preschool:
I felt the slight sting of her eyes, the disbelief. I rambled
on...separate classes, last minute decision, it was the least bad choice. I
felt uncomfortable and apologetic. What had I done?
Oh, I might as well say it. I put two 4-year-olds in kindergarten..
4-years-old and in...the new first grade kindergarten.
I KNOW! For shame, I'm a bad mom. My boys will fail. They'll slow down the system, siphoning off a teacher's precious time. It's not like I'd gone into this not knowing. I KNEW the stakes. I'd done the research. I'd queried friends. I'd watched my boys' behavior over the summer, searching for signs of kindergarten readiness.
For the uninitiated, kindergarten readiness has more to do with social readiness than academic readiness. Teachers can bring kids up to speed academically, but they can't teach maturity. My boys are bright and hit most of their milestones early - it's not that. It's mostly because of their age and the plethora of negative anecdotal evidence which abounds.
Save for one family, nobody in my circles, it seems, puts a 4-year-old into kindergarten. I am the odd one out.
Continue reading "Making the Least Bad Choice: 4-year-olds in Kindergarten" »
As a parent in a parent participation preschool, starting school again is not only exciting for my kids, but for me as well! I have been missing the other parents that I have gotten to know so well last year in the 2's class and then I had a chance to meet some new parents during summer school. So this year in the 3's class we will all be together and I can't wait to get back! I have come to rely on the school community very much - the parents are some of my closest friends and the teachers' experience and knowledge about child development has forever changed me as a parent.
We started at Explorer Preschool when the twins were only 19 months old in a Together Time for Parents and Toddlers class. A few other Gemini Crickets families were enrolling their twins, as well as several close friends of mine who had a child the same age. It was a great way to get out with the kids in a preschool setting with other moms that I knew while getting some much needed parent education in the process. Being a former teacher myself, I just couldn't get enough of this school! I felt completely welcomed there and I embraced the child-centered play-based philosophy immediately. I had so many questions about my own toddlers' development and throw in the fact that I had TWO toddlers going through the exact SAME stages at the SAME time made this program a sanity life saver.
School starts in a week for my kids (well, truth be told, we are going to miss the first day of school by squeezing in one last vacation!) Last year my kids went to preschool for the first time, and they really blossomed.
Legions of multiples have headed back to school this month. Some went to preschool. Others to kindergarten. Others to grade school and beyond. Some are in separate classes while others have been kept together. From parent participation schools to public schools to catholic schools, our multiples are out there learning. It's been a learning experience for us parents as well. Some of us can't bear to be without our children at our side, while others are doing the "drop and flee". We're learning the ins and outs of new schools. Some of us are in our childrens' classrooms, poking around and staying involved. Others of us are working full time. A few of us public school kindergarten moms are shocked - shocked! - that as soon as we arrive with our children at school, the doors slam shut and we have no idea what's going on inside that classroom. Some children recount their entire day, while others remain mute. Some children divulge information in fragments.
So this week on Mad About Multiples, since our children are back in school, we're using those precious extra hours to talk about back-to-school.
We are hoping to get a new post up every day... we'll see!
Original post to Mad About Multiples.
Recap September 22, 2009Whew - We got through back-to-school! Some of us sent twins off to preschool while some of us sent twins to kindergarten. Either way, It's nice to be back into a routine!
Here's what we discussed:
Pam loves her co-op preschool, worms and all: Back to preschool, Yeah or Boo.
Amy isn't sure who loves preschool more: Who Loves Preschool More, Me or Them?
Akemi second guesses her every move: Making the Least Bad Choice: 4-year-olds in Kindergarten.
Daphne quickly gets use to curbside drop-off: The Convenience Factor of Preschool.
Amy M. likes to be busy: Two Parent Participation Preschools? Call me crazy.
Linsey looks back: Ben and Lily's First Few Weeks of Kindergarten is a Mixed Bag.
Linda is relieved: One Year's Reprieve.
Nora LOVES back-to-school: Back to School? Back to the Museums!!!
Original post to Mad About Multiples.
[Last week's topic on Mommy Confessions From Never, Never Land inspired one of our members and guest contributor, Pam C., to share her own never-say-never story below. Thanks, Pam!]
In a far away land called BC (before children), I would often babysit my nieces. Whenever I took ONE OF THEM (not two!) shopping when they were young, I made them sit in the front seat of the shopping cart with the seat belt safely buckled. One of my nieces in particular would beg to ride on the edge of the shopping cart, or to sit in the basket part, but, noooo, I would never let her - that wouldn't be safe now, would it?
Fast forward. I have 3 year old twins. Except for maybe Costco and a few Safeways, stores don't have shopping carts made for twins. So what is a mom to do? Why, let one child sit in the basket and/or let one child ride on the edge of the cart. Yesterday, at Trader Joe's, which, for the record, have really small shopping carts to begin with, my daughter wanted to sit in the front and she was of course (not) buckled in for safety. My son wanted to walk. I needed to get yogurt, but that area was congested, so I parked the cart no more than 5 feet away from me (I swear!) and peacefully walked over to the yogurt. I didn't even have the yogurt in my hand when I heard this sickening crash. I turned around to see my daughter's head hit the floor and then saw that my son was pinned under the shopping cart that he had just tipped over! (My son had apparently decided, while I took my 5 steps over towards the yogurt, that he was tired of walking and that standing on the SIDE rail of the cart would allow him to rest. The rest, as the saying goes, is history and my daughter just went along for the ride.)
Continue reading "Shopping With Seat Belts Securely Fastened...Uh...Oh Yea..." »
"I'll never do that when I have kids". How many times did I tell myself that before I became a mom? How many times have I, since I’ve become a mom, done those things I said I wouldn’t do? In my case, my pre-mommy thoughts centered around FOOD; I swore I would not be a short order cook, I would not take my kids to fast food, and I would not give my kids candy. Ha! I have now done all three!
I watched my sister and friends as short order cooks for their kids, making anything their child demanded, just to get them to eat. I vowed not to do that. I thought if I insisted hard enough, I could make dinner and my kids would eat whatever I made. It makes me laugh now as I prepare several variations of dinner for my picky eater Ben! What I didn't understand at the time was when babies & kids don't eat, they don't sleep. Sleep as we all know is precious, especially to a tired mommy at the end of the day, so I chose to try to have well fed kids that will sleep.
I loved fast food as a youngster and could eat it all the time. But I avoid it now and try to keep healthy. I am so into healthy eating that I once told my nephew when he was six that California did not have McDonald’s! He discovered one eventually. I was not going to take my kids to fast food, but then I discovered how “fast” and “easy” it is. I think my nanny actually took them the first time, and I was mortified! I guess I had never discussed that McDonalds was off limits. Naturally, my picky eater Ben loved it. Now we visit McDonalds twice a month on the way home from swim class. My kids actually eat better in the car and if I drive slow enough they have finished off the chicken nuggets and the fries, and are onto their favorites, the apple dippers by the time we arrive home. It’s really fantastic!
"Please Control Yourself" - this was a small plastic sign that I once saw screwed to an air conditioning unit in a Tokyo hotel room. I thought it was hilarious. Had I known that someday I would have thee children under the age of three, I would have
stolen borrowed that little plaque so I could forge it into a necklace to hang on whichever one of my three daughters was misbehaving at any given moment.
Which brings me to the topic of control. (No, not my need to have it over everyone and everything; that's another post.) Seriously, for many years, I wanted to know, why can't moms do a better job of controlling their children in public. REALLY!! And then.....I became a parent myself. I learned how, in the blink of an eye, one can go from the proud mama, innocently shopping at Oakridge Mall with her adorable daughters in perfectly matching outfits, to the person who has experienced the horror of a mini-meltdown (x 3) and is scurrying away as fast as possible, as onlookers stare with furrowed brow. (Did you know that standing near a fast-moving shopping cart of three girls shrieking for Jamba Juice is an accurate demonstration of the Doppler effect?)
In my previous life, there were at least three situations that come to mind where I know I've given other moms the stink-eye, thinking they lacked control:
Socrates said that the unexamined
life is not worth living. However, I am a big proponent of denial (and that ain't no river in Egypt.) Once again, at the prompting of Akemi, I am
having to write about a subject that I’d rather just push under the couch along
with all the dust, Lego’s, hair bands and other detritus that our family of
five loses in that abyss. The subject
is: what do you do as a mom that you
swore that you would never do? In the words of a fellow we probably all know
too well, “Oh maaaan!” (Thank you Swiper).
I was born to be a mother, at least that's what I grew up believing. Being the oldest of four siblings, I immediately became a "little mommy." My sister, who is eleven years younger than me and the baby of the family, would run to me when she got hurt. I loved to dress her up, do her hair and take her places. She was my baby. My mom, who was a stay at home mom, nursed all four of us. She cooked dinner every night, kept a clean and organized house and hardly ever raised her voice. She managed four kids with four different schedules with limited help from my dad, who worked quite a bit when we were younger.
I knew I was going to be a great mom someday. I had years of experience taking care of my siblings, many years of babysitting to earn money and then 6 years as a first grade teacher. And I had been taking notes for many years, believe me. I majored in Child Development and then trained as an elementary school teacher, so I had 6+ years of dealing with children and their families. As soon as I found out I was pregnant (with twins!) I bought and read every book I could get my hands on, mostly about sleep training, scheduling, nursing, and caring for a newborn. I took classes at the hospital and read so many different blogs and websites about being a new mom. I joined Gemini Crickets when I was only four months pregnant and attended just about every New & Expecting Parent meeting. I was going to be the perfect parent! After all, how hard could it really be? All the information was out there. My mom did it with four kids so raising two shouldn't be that difficult. Then I became a parent and realized all too quickly just how difficult a job it really was and everything I thought I knew flew out the window!
Nursing is going to be easy.... right? Right after the twins were born, I had a huge slap of reality. Nursing HURT! I mean, it really hurt. And it was HARD! Really, really hard. Despite exhaustion, I pumped, I went to the newborn club at the hospital for support and I had support from my husband. I was also in a lot of pain due to a flare up of my rheumatoid arthritis. I had to be put back on my medication, which was not safe for the babies. This was very devastating to me. I knew how good breast milk was for my babies and giving them formula was not my plan at all. I already felt like a failure and they were only 6 weeks old. I had to get over it and move on. My first lesson in being a new parent - be flexible!!
I think all of us can remember being children and uttering those famous
words, "I will never do xyz when I'm grown up." The xyz for me usually
involved chores such as, "I would never make my kids do yard work,
laundry, dishes, clean the bathroom, etc." The complaints of the
immature child were endless. As I aged the "I nevers" also aged. At 16
it became, "I would never make my 16 year old ride their bike to
school" or "I would never make my teenager stay home on a Friday
night." When I became an adult (and I use that term lightly) and a
mother, my "nevers" changed yet again. I will never let my children
watch network television, I won't feed them processed sugar, I will
never say, "Because I said so", but will use reason instead.
I have stood by many of my "nevers" while some have fallen by the wayside. The biggest one however has neither changed since childhood, nor been upheld. As a child I was very sensitive to being yelled at and swore never to do it myself. As a teenager shouting could shut me down, and I once again swore never to shout at my children. As an adult and mother I reaffirmed my commitment to never yell, shout, or holler at my children. So much for nevers.
As most mothers I have found myself on that ragged corner of fatigue and lack of time. One too many times my kids have failed to get ready on time, to pick up their toys, or go to bed. At that moment I have felt my head spiral completely off my body leaving me with a gaping orifice only capable of spouting frustration in the form of unreasonable threats and demands. Things I have heard myself say (that I swore I never would) include, "Pick up those toys or I'm throwing them away. Get dressed or you're not going. Get in this car right now, or I'm leaving you here." Sometimes reason has already been exhausted, sometimes I'm just exhausted. Either way, I have let down the child within in me that said, "never" and meant it. However, tomorrow is a new day, with a new resolve, and the mommy guilt meter will be reset at 0. See you then.
Susan is mom to 5 year-old twin girls. She blogs at Thoughts from a Delirious Mind. Follow her on Twitter.
Judging The Bully
Out of the corner of my eye, I see
him. He's darting about the mommy-and-me gym class like a firecracker.
That kid. The bully. The one-whose-mom-should-be-watching-him.
I watch because I know what's coming next and then it happens, the shove. A little kid down and then, crying.
"Last time, the mom took him home to teach him a lesson." My friend whispers to me.
"Unbelievable, " I whisper back.
Judging the Potty Talk
He's backed up against the wall at a birthday party, my son in his adorable Livie and Luca shoes. A few months shy of three with a blossoming personality, and yet, there he is, helpless and crying as two 4-year-old girls hurl insults at him. "You're stupid!" they yell meanly. "You can't do that, poop baby!"
"That's not a nice thing to say," I admonish, scooping up my "baby." How dare they? What brats! Where are the parents?
I carry my teary eyed son over to my husband and say, "You should hear the words that are coming out of the mouths of those very little girls!"
Continue reading "Turning the Tables: Keeping My Inner Sanctimommy at Bay" »
It's topic week at Mad About Multiples, so we're pushing aside our organic greens and our holier-than-thou parenting books and coming clean: We are not perfect parents. Ah, that felt good. Breathe... It's not easy to admit that we make mistakes, that we harp on our spouses, that we judge other parents, especially because, well, sometimes we do think that we're perfect parents. So this week, please join us as we bury our judgments, take back those never say nevers and realize we were only perfect parents before we had kids, or in our case, multiples.
We'll be posting on this topic throughout the week starting on Monday, so please settle in with a juice box and a happy meal and join us for this great catharsis. Have a confession to make? Let us know!
Original post to Mad About Multiples, the official club blog of Gemini Crickets Parents of Multiples of Silicon Valley.
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