Mad About Multiples!

Double Click Tuesdays: In Like a Lion...

and out like a...

 

 

That's how we know Spring has arrived around here. Of course our favorite flocks tend to look like this:

 

 

Thanks to Mari B. for sharing her girls Naomi, Lilli and Elise enjoying a favorite rite of Spring, visiting the sheep farm!

 

This is an original post to Mad About Multiples and is part of the Double Click Tuesdays photo series.

My (Multiple) Birthday Party Dilemma(s)

I love planning birthday parties – from the conception of the theme to the actually day when I get to see my ideas come to life and the resulting joy on my girls’ faces.  When I put together a party, I get to access the creative parts of my brain (which has mostly withered away by now from lack of use) and embrace the challenge of designing décor and favors, decorating cupcakes and making  piñatas on my tiny budget.  I take a sense of pride in bestowing my children with a special day, that is both personal and memorable, and I like to think that the festivities I plan are much like the parties of my childhood, the kind my mother planned for me.  But oh, how some things have changed and I’ve recently been wishing to go back to  the days when childrens' birthday parties were simpler. Much simpler…

 

As a kid of the 70s, I can remember my mom with her bouffant hair and marigold-floral mini-dress, arranging seating for musical chairs and taping up a poster for pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and  games, and back then, there was usually a  single winner <gasp> who would receive a small prize.  I’m ashamed to admit that I avoid having games where there is one clear winner because I can’t stand the thought of children (primarily my own) disappointed and crying because THEY  didn’t win and THEY didn’t get a prize. (This explains why I’m such a fan of piñatas. Everyone’s a winner!) And I recall most parties being drop off with the general rule that only as many kids as was the age of the birthday child were to be invited. (5 year old kid = 5 guests. Easy.) But these days, it seems like most moms and/or dads and/or siblings come along, which involves a whole ‘nother level of preparation in terms of space, food, etc.  

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being able to socialize with other parents, who are usually my friends anyway who bring their kids, but what this phenomena can equate to is that a birthday party intended for 10 children now has a guest list of 30, maybe even 40, in a twin/multiples situation! Yikes!  And I’m not going to even touch on the issue of goodie bags (aka - loads of ABSOLUTELY TREASURED plastic junk strewn everywhere and for me to step on while walking through a dark bedroom) or the question of how many gifts and to whom/from whom when going to a twins/triplets party with your twins/triplets!

 

And here’s where my *real* dilemma begins. Although my kids LOVE to attend parties at bouncy places and kiddie gyms,  I prefer to have parties in our backyard, or better yet, at the park, so that 20 kids can freely run and play and make a mess in a public sandbox.  Most importantly, this means I don’t have to crisis clean my house beforehand, nor do I need to reconstruct my house afterwards. And I get to save about $350+ in party place fees.  This has worked out wonderfully for my older singleton’s birthday in late May, however, my twin daughters’ have a December birthday. It’s cold and wet in California in the winter. (And to make things even sadder, their birthday is four days before Christmas.  Poor kids.)  So this year, I was worried that I actually may have no choice but to pay for a VENUE to hold the party because our circle of friends has grown immensely (for which I am extremely grateful) and all the little kiddies (much less their accompanying parents + siblings) won’t even come close to fitting inside our little tract house.  

 

And to further complicate things, my girls have requested a full blown pinked-out princess tea party. (theme-wise is going to be blast to plan - I’m going the non-Disney route, too.  Imagine the possibilities! Pink sparkles! Little finger sandwiches on tiered trays! Fancy dresses!)  Because then, my *seriously real* dilemma of planning a guest list sets in…and I develop hives. Is it really ok to only invite want-to-be princesses (as in “no boys”, although I truly have no problem with boys in drag)? What if the girls are one half of boy-girl twin siblings- invite only the female half? Will brother even want to go? Will mom be ticked-off that she’s now in the position of having to explain to one child why some people are invited to parties and others aren't?  And what if we have attended a friends’ birthday party in the past,  isn’t it wrong NOT to reciprocate with an invitation, which seems downright evil to me? What if the uninvited guests are my friends’ kids to whom I have an attachment, but my children do not? 

 

These are the questions that keep me up at 2am.  No. Really. When did birthday parties become so complicated?

 

And so,  I did the unthinkable. I threw my fears and social obligations out the window and let the girls decide.  And they did not chose to invite the children they see a couple of times a year at large group gatherings. Their chose *their* friends – three each, to be exact and are girls mostly from preschool, with whom they actually play. And all I can hope is that *my* friends will understand and forgive me.  And that I don’t get an ulcer worrying that they will all hold grudges and that my children will be excluded from all other friends’ future birthday festivities because of my unconscionable party planning decisions this year. Unless…maybe the weather in December won’t be so bad after all. Perhaps I *could* also host a big park playdate. With cupcakes and balloons, at least...

 

My Breast Friend (and ASSETS Brilliant Bra giveaway!) -- winner "Mom of Twins"!

Can a bra change your life? Probably not. But these four brave Gemini Crickets moms underwent rigorous product testing with the Assets Brilliant Bra and here is what they came up with:

Solange:  From Pequeno to Grande...

I was never really a big fan of bras because I always had very small breasts (I used to be a 32A size), so usually I would ask my mom to bring bras from Brazil size "P" (P for pequeno=small).

However, ever since I got pregnant with my twins, not only my life changed, but so did my body. Therefore when the opportunity came around to try on the ASSETS Brilliant bra, I jumped on it because I have been looking for "the perfect" bra for better support.

From Bentos, With Love

By Mari B.

When I was little, I was always confused as to why my mother would give my sister and I the “good stuff” – the ripes berries in the basket or the much-coveted legs of a crab.  My mom would always eat peels and what was left around the core of an apple, while carving the best part of the fruit into simple “usagi ringo” or rabbit-shaped apples for us.  As a child, it didn’t make any sense at all and it wasn’t until I became a mom (two twins + one) myself, that I finally understood.  Gestures like that, are just one of them many sacrifices that mothers make for the little ones.  And it got me thinking and remembering about the wonderful school lunches that my mom used to make... 

Growing up in rural Texas, my sister wanted nothing more than to bring a plain old bologna sandwich to school…that, and maybe a bag of Fritos.  But that’s not how my mother operated.  She was old-school Japanese and insisted on making us traditional, nutritious bento lunches that would entice small groups of curious children to gather around and exclaim things like, “Ya’ll come look at what Mari and Erica are fixin’ to eat!  Those little fish still have their heads on.  Eeeww!” 

Honestly, it didn’t bother me since I found my lunch to be much tastier than the hot meals of gluey chicken-fried steak and cloyingly sweet canned peach cobbler that most of my classmates were served from the hair-netted lunch ladies.   I knew my mother made my bentos with care and love and I found them to be interesting and delicious.  Flash forward a few decades.  Now that I have my own kindergartener, it’s my turn to make sure that my daughter is sent to school with healthy food options to eat after a challenging morning of circle time and coloring.  Now don’t misunderstand.  I know that preparing lunches can definitely be a chore, but with the right arsenal of tools and ingredients, fast and easy bento-making is a skill that easy to master in three easy steps.

Note to Self: Next Time, Be Sure the Windows Are Closed

By Mari B.

If I read the status updates of my Facebook  "friends", I really start to wonder how other people manage to have such wonderfully perfect children. Because based on the dozens of updates I read about how “My kids bring me joy and wonderment each and every living moment”, it seems like I'm the only parent who is faced with blatant naughtiness on a daily, sometimes even hourly basis. Oh, don't get me wrong. We have our good days (which, by the way, are often in sync with cycles of the moon). However, I'm convinced that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, was referring to my devil child kindergartner, when he wrote, “And when she was good, she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.” Consequently, my Facebook updates tend to be more along the lines of, “Does anyone know of a NICE boarding school that takes toddlers/preschoolers and offers a twins discount?” or "One twin peed on the floor and her sister is jumping in the puddle. GAH!"

I'm just keeping it real, folks...

Don't believe me yet? Ok, so just let me tell you about a recent incident...

GIVEAWAY! Pimp your ride with a customized stroller plate! Winner -- Susanne!

Anyone who knows me (and many don't but have read my blog post: Confessions of a Stroller Addict) is well-aware of my fondness for strollers. However, I've since decided that my strollers should also be customized!   

I've been pimping my ride with SFMODO stroller plates!

SFMODO, the brainchild of one of our very own Gemini Crickets moms, creates customized name plates with your child's name, birth month and birth year just like a real license plate.  They attach to a stroller with cable-ties or velcro (included in your purchase) and really make a wonderful baby shower gift.  I also love how it makes my kid's stroller, wagon or trike (perhaps my walker someday!) easy to identify in the sea of similar ones parked outside of rides at the likes of Disneyland.   Good thing my plate just says "Wee Beals" otherwise I think my girls would each want one of their own vanity plates!

-- Mari Beal, stroller addict

And now is your chance to win your own vanity plate! 

Simply check out SFMODO's website http://www.sfmododesign.com and then come back to this post and leave a comment ON THIS PAGE with either the state you would like to have your plate represent OR what you might want on your custom plate.  Once the winner is selected, SFMODO will contact you directly to help you personalize your plate. 

Winner will be drawn at random on June 7th.  One entry per person.  (Your email will not be published and only serves as a means for us to contact you should you win.) U.S. mailing address only. You do not need to be a member of Gemini Crickets POM to win!

Good luck!

*In the spirit of full disclosure, Mari received a very cool plate to review, but her opinions are true and accurate.*

This is an original post to Mad About Multiples.

Wears the Baby (Slings, Wraps, & Other Carriers)

I admit it.  I'm lazy.  I like to hold my kids, but I also want to get other stuff done, like loading the dishwasher and picking up toys. Yeah, right.  Ha ha ha!!  (Remember, I just said I was lazy.)  Truthfully?  I like CARRYING my kids, while getting stuff done, like updating my Facebook status and eating Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches.  You might now be wondering now, as a parent of multiples (or in my case, twins + one), how is this possible?  To which I say, "Babywearing!"  And so I bring to you, my top 6 reasons to wear your babies.

1. Silence, Sweet Silence - We learned this quickly with our singleton. Cuddling an infant in a sling, pouch or wrap can help with fussiness and colic, as well as cutdown on plain old fashioned crying/screaming, and babywear can even done with tiniest of newborns (called kangaroo carry) to calm baby, which in turn, calms Mommy (and Daddy). Dr. Sears, pediatrician and the author of more than 30 parenting books, is a huge proponent of babywearing, due to its physical and psychological benefits.  (Who wants their kid to have a flat head anyway?  Babywearing reduces the risk of plagiocephaly!) 

2. Look, Ma! No hands! - We learned this quickly with our twins. Two of them, two of us (not to mention our older singleton, who was feeling left out) meant that if both parents were each holding a baby, well, that left minimal chance of getting laundry done, eating dinner or surfing the internet (to research how to get these new little ones to sleep longer than two hours at a time!). A baby carrier is the easiest way to spend time bonding with your baby while still allowing you to get stuff done!

3. Got Milk? - Babywearing gives moms the ability to discretely nurse in public. I actually nursed a baby while standing in the looong security line at the airport in Maui returning from vacation, and no one knew the better. Hee hee! Did I mention hands-free?

4. No Sand Traps – The portability of a child in a baby carrier is not limited by terrain. You are going to have to trust me when I say I love my strollers.  (No really! See my previous post regarding my stroller addiction .)  But if I'm taking the kiddies to see elephant seals lounging on the sand dunes of Año Nuevo (dang, those 4,500 pound beasts sure did resemble me, practically immobile on the sofa during those last few weeks of my twin pregnancy, but I digress...), you better believe that I'll be ditching the stroller. Cobblestone streets? No problem! Stairs? It's a cinch! Plus, so many types of carriers are able to fold up small enough to stuff into a diaper bag, that they are perfect to whip out for quick jaunt or to bring on an extended trip. Also, because you are able to wear your baby during the duration of a flight (just not during takeoff or landing), it's an invaluable (hands-free again) peice of travel equipment, especially for long-haul or red eye flights. 

5. Beyond the Bjorn – Wearing your baby can actually be a fashion statement. Although the Bjorn is the most commercially available carrier, there are so many other beautiful and functional options from which to chose. Slings, wraps, pouches, Asian baby carriers (such as Chinese mei tais, Korean podaegis, and Japanese onbuhimos), and soft-structured packs, including Becos and Ergos, are all wonderful ways to cart you kid without sacrificing your sense of style. I have the same carrier in several different styles and prints to match my needs and moods.  My husband even has his own pouch and Beco and my preschooler has her favorite too, which I still use with ease when she needs some cuddletime. Babywearing is also also super versatile, meaning that you can carry a child on you back, front or hip, and even, with a bit of practice, you can wear more than one baby at a time.

 

6. Amaze Your Family, Friends and Even Total Strangers – If you don't believe me, just take a peek at my 30 second video clip of how easy, fast and convenient it can be to toss a toddler onto your back and go! 

Sure, it may seem like a cheap parlor trick, but it's one you'll be glad you mastered! So for all your skeptics, come give it a try!  Better yet, join us for this Wednesday's Gemini Crickets New and Expectant Parents meeting and give a few of my carriers a test-drive.  For more information on the meeting, go to http://geminicrickets.org/main/2010/01/05/new-expectant-parent-meeting-babywearing/ ______________________________________________________________________________________ Original post to Mad About Multiples by Mari B. Mari is the 2009/10 co-New & Expectant Parents Liaison for Gemini Crickets Parents of Multiples.

Confessions of a Stroller Addict

In honor of the Gemini Crickets annual equipment meeting this week, club member Mari makes a confession.

Psst...she's a stroller addict! (As if we didn't already know.)

On Wednesday, December 9th 6:15pm at the Saratoga Library, we will show Gemini Crickets club members how to be (or not to be) like Mari. We'll talk about strollers and discuss the best equipment out there for twins and multiples. We'll bring strollers, slings, boppy pillows, bouncy chairs - you name it.

Hmm, maybe we should make this meeting into a baby equipment swap meet!

Confessions of a Stroller Addict by Mari B.

Before I had kids, it was handbags.  I never been that into clothes or shoes.  I think it's because I'm short with fat feet, kind of like a gnome, but with better fashion sense.   Real people's clothes and shoes don't fit me.  However, I looove handbags - thin or chubby, they always fit.  Once I had children, my stash expanded into diaper bags...and later baby carriers (but that's another post).  Oh, and there is, of course, my much beloved stroller collection...

 

You know how a guy's head swivels when a pretty girl walks past.
Not surprisingly, I've done that when a sweet ride has caught my eye.  (I've even doubled back to catch a glimpse of the brand.)  Truth be told, I was at the mall a few months back and was squinting at a stroller as it was approaching me, trying to make out the manufacturer, when I suddenly heard my name being called.  I looked up and sheepishly realized that the Maxi-Cosi was being pushed by my new neighbors from across the street.  In my determination to figure out what brand it was, I neglected to realize that I actually knew the chubby-cheeked rider.  How embarrassing!

Weds NEP Meeting: How To Teach Your Babies To Tell You, "Put Me To Bed!"

  Ahhh...I bet title of this blog post drew you in, but I'll get to that later...

Ok, let's face it, it's not uncommon for twins to experience speech delays. I know my first-born daughter, Naomi, was chatting up a storm at almost 22 months, so I'm very aware that my dynamic duo are are bit behind compared to their singleton peers. It may be due to the fact that their overly-enthusiastic big sister does all the speaking for them (“Mommy, Lilli needs a new diaper!”) , or that they aren't getting enough one-on-one time interaction with me (Preschooler + toddler twins = survival mode). Or perhaps my toddlers can communicate with each other in some kind of secret language, so who needs verbal skills anyway?

However, there is one way to make your life much easier without requiring your little ones to actually be able to “speak” to you and that's by using sign language. As starry-eyed new parents wanting to communicate right away with our first baby, we started signing when she was about 4 months old and by 6 months, Naomi was already signing back the ever-important gesture, “milk”. Over the course of a year, she probably mastered about 80 signs, including many she made up herself. I cannot stress how AWESOME and HELPFUL it is to have a 6 month old baby be able to communicate some basic needs such as “milk”, “eat” and “more”. Signing completely empowered her and from an early age, she learned that she could communicate with us to get her needs met, which definitely reduced frustration levels for all of us! (This means fewer meltdowns since she could tell us when she was hungry, tired, etc. instead of just grunting...or worse, screaming and crying.) As Naomi got older, signing became an amusing way to entertain people, as she would show people how to sign such esoteric things as “penguin” and “shrimp”. It should also be noted, she turned into a major talker, a constant chatterbox (much to my chagrin, especially during long car trips), so don't let anyone tell you that signing causes delayed speech, because that's completely untrue.

Ditch the Duct Tape: Redirecting Children's Behavior

The meeting topic, “Redirecting Children's Behavior”, must have implied that there *is* hope out there for dealing with the terrible twos (and threes) and with sibling rivalry, because Gemini Crickets members came out in droves, with 70 anxious-to-learn parents in attendance. On August 19th, the New & Expecting Parents and General Meeting joined forces to bring Etsuko Tsukagoshi, mom to two young boys and a certified Redirecting Children's Behavior course instructor, up from San Diego to discuss age appropriate strategies to keep familial peace - - all so that we, crazy parents of multiples (and then some in a few cases), can create closer connections at home.

Etsuko's normal RCB course is a 12.5 hour program, but she was up to the challenge of whizzing through the highlights, providing participants with an informative overview of the concept of redirection and some important tips on how to get started. If you were unable to convince your in-laws or friends to watch you children (ideally for free), hopefully this summary will explain the definition of redirection, as well provide a few techniques you can try with your kids, in both the areas of the “terrible twos” as discussed in the NEP meeting, and sibling rivalry, which was the topic of the General Meeting.

"Redirecting Children's Behavior", or RCB, is a positive discipline program that incorporates accountability, limits, encouragement, communication and responsibility. With RCB, the role of the parent is to remember that all of our children's' behavior has a purpose and that our job is to investigate and be curious, so as to find out what exactly is behind their actions. Even=2 0the most annoying of behaviors, which include but are not limited to (the following are real-life examples, as provided by GC members): whining, pointing & screaming, hair pulling/fighting/pushing, and the constant yelling of “mine”. Redirecting means to diagnose the misbehavior and then teach the child to get his/her needs met appropriately, so they no longer feel the needs to misbehave. When misbehavior is stopped by distracting the child's attention, it will usually start back up again. Redirecting misbehavior addresses the underlying cause of the misbehavior, not just the symptom! The methods of redirection teach parents how to become calmer and more confident and empowers moms and dads to teach their children to be responsible and cooperative.

Redirecting Children's Behavior with Etsuko Tsukagoshi

On Wednesday, August 19th, Gemini Crickets is please to be hosting Etsuko Tsukagoshi who will be giving a talk about Redirecting Children's Behavior. Here's a Q&A session between Etsuko and her grad school roommate, now New & Expecting Parent's Liason and mom to toddler twins and preschooler, Mari Beal:

Q: So Etsuko, I've vaguely heard of INCAF, and always thought it stood for “ “I'm Nearing Craziness, Accredited to Family”. Apparently, it stands for something else. Can you please tell me more?

A: Here is a little bit of background on International Network for Children and Families (INCAF) and Redirecting Children’s Behavior(RCB): This course is designed by Kathryn Kvols over 30 years ago based on the Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, one of America's foremost child psychiatrists’ book “Children: The Challenge”. Since it's creation, the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF), created by Kathryn Kvols, has trained and certified over 1000 instructors. My husband and I took the RCB course right before we had our second baby, and were so impressed by this technique that I wanted to master it. I decided to become an instructor, got certified by INCAF, and I have been the teaching program in San Diego since last fall.

Q: Hmmmm...sound like a class that would take take me a year to complete. I mean, have you *seen* my children?

A: It’s a total of 12.5 hours of instruction, and I usually offer it in once a week course for 5 weeks format. In many cases both parents attend the course, which makes lots of sense, but even if one parent is taking the class, the students can see the difference in their household. I also have many clients who live overseas, so I also offer a lot of coaching over the phone.

Topic Week Recap: Confessions From Never Say Neverland

Wow - that did feel good! We aired our dirty laundry on a crowded line and nobody told us to take it down. That's how it goes in Never Say Neverland where the dirty laundry never ends and the population keeps climbing. Whether you have singletons or multiples or both, parenting is hard work. There is no perfect parent. There is no perfect parenting style. Parenting is a learning process, one that goes through changes and backtracks and baffling turns. We've learned to be flexible, we've learned not to judge, we've learned to laugh at ourselves and we've learned that what we said we'd do (or not do) before we had kids was totally insane a wee bit idealistic.

A recap of this week's posts:

Akemi/svtwinmom from Chalk and Cheese Chronicles worries her kids are now the bullies in Keeping My Inner Sanctimommy at Bay

Susan from Thoughts from the Delirious Mind tries not to scream at her kids in Never Say Never

Amy T. from Audren and Nathan reassures herself that she was born to be a mom (right?)

Lisa George from The Curious Georges reexamines her views on parenting in My Life, Examined

Mari B. tries to control her kids...and her past judgments in Please Control Yourself

Polly F. from Fox Tales isn't a bad mom, just a flexible one in I'll Never Do That

Linda D/MommyTwinGirls from Solheim Photography admits to Backpedaling on the TV-thing

On behalf of Mad About Multiples, thank you for reading along. Now go and air your dirty laundry. We won't judge you.

Original post to Mad About Multiples.

Please Control Yourself

"Please Control Yourself" - this was a small plastic sign that I once saw screwed to an air conditioning unit in a Tokyo hotel room.  I thought it was hilarious.  Had I known that someday I would have thee children under the age of three, I would have stolen borrowed that little plaque so I could forge it into a necklace to hang on whichever one of my three daughters was misbehaving at any given moment. 

Which brings me to the topic of control.  (No, not my need to have it over everyone and everything; that's another post.)  Seriously, for many years, I wanted to know, why can't moms do a better job of controlling their children in public.  REALLY!!  And then.....I became a parent myself.  I learned how, in the blink of an eye, one can go from the proud mama, innocently shopping at Oakridge Mall with her adorable daughters in perfectly matching outfits, to the person who has experienced the horror of a mini-meltdown (x 3) and is scurrying away as fast as possible, as onlookers stare with furrowed brow.  (Did you know that standing near a fast-moving shopping cart of three girls shrieking for Jamba Juice is an accurate demonstration of the Doppler effect?)

In my previous life, there were at least three situations that come to mind where I know I've given other moms the stink-eye, thinking they lacked control: