Mad About Multiples!

Grade School Twins: Separate or Together?

Is Separating Twins Really the Answer? @ Yahoo! Video

Read the full post over on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Escalators, Baby Banger, and 1-2-3

I was alone with Jubilee the other day and we were running errands together. At one store, we took the escalator. Suddenly, my heart became wistful. As far as I can recall, Angelina and Madeleine have yet to ride an escalator! When Jubilee was their age, riding escalators was one of her favorite pastimes. Our trip to NYC involved many an escalator ride as part of her tourist experience. And it’s not simply because she’s the oldest and the oldest always gets to do more things or do them first. It’s because she was a singleton. I just don’t walk around stores with my children anymore; Angelina and Madeleine are always in a stroller or cart. The most I’ve walked in grocery stores is from the car to the closest shopping cart so that I can “cage” the toddlers before going shopping.

It’s not just escalators. Every once in a while I would let Jubilee play a computer game called “Baby Banger.” It taught her that if she pressed a key, then a picture would pop on the screen. But how can I play that with two toddlers? I’m sure it’s possible, but it’s not easy because they already fight over toys. Nothing is easy when you’re raising multiples... and an older child!

Another game that they’ve missed out on is “1-2-3” where each parent is holding the child’s hand and you lift the child up into the air. Kind of difficult to do when you’re outnumbered by your children. We did manage to play 1-2-3 with Angelina the other day. We were both holding her hands, David was carrying Madeleine with his other arm, and Jubilee wasn’t with us to get jealous. Needless to say, Angelina loved it. Thankfully, Madeleine didn't seem to care.

I guess a lot of this comes down to being more diligent in giving Angelina and Madeleine these experiences.

Original post to Mad About Multiples. Cross posted from The Close Family Blog.

How (NOT) to sneak food into Gilroy Gardens, 3 days in a row

Having multiplies means twice as much fun, and twice as much whining when no one is having any fun, so I am always looking for ways to escape being at home (and maybe escape doing some of that never ending housework too!). 

Last week I set up a playdate with another twin mom at Gilroy Gardens on Wednesday. The kids rode the carousel, the strawberry ride, and enjoyed the water play area.  And I, being the frugal stay-at-home-mom, brought some of my own food in for the kids to eat.  The PB&J was carefully stashed in the bottom of the back pack, under all of the (clean) underwear and the string cheese along with an icepack were wrapped in the kids' swimsuits in the back storage area of the wagon. When you enter the park, the security guards always check the bags for illegal food entering the park - we all know how dangerous that can be! But my stash was not discovered.

Barbie versus Transformers

My twin boys are pretty typical 4 1/2 year-olds - active, social and loving, and for a long time they were into animals, trucks, trains and cars.  We read and watched a lot of Curious George, Miss Spider, and Thomas.  We got lots of educational DK books on trains, cars, animals and trucks. 

This last year however, my boys' interests have begun to radically change and diverge.  One of them, let's call him.....Gun Boy, loves all things battle-related - Star Wars, Transformers, Pokemon, his 2 index fingers.  He knows all the names of the good guy Transformers and the bad guy Transformers, and he knows that Sheildon is a Rock-type Pokemon. (Don't get me started.)  He sleeps with his Buzz Lightyear blaster and he would sell his soul for a light saber.

My other one, loves loves loves.......Barbie (and Ariel, Belle, Aurora and Jasmine).   He has Barbie stickers,  Princess and Barbie books and DVDs, a Disney Princess sleeping bag, and his prize-possession -  a Sleeping Beauty doll.  He swooned when he met Belle at Disneyland.

Here is a typical exchange these days:

Me: What should we read/watch/play?

Gun Boy: Transformers!

Pink Boy: Barbie!

Me: How 'bout _________? (some other non-Battle or Barbie/Princess related item)

Them: (screams of agony)

I'm sure many of you already know the drill - I'm just late to the game.  It's hard to find anything that we can all enjoy.  I used to make them pick something that they both liked - but there is no middle ground anymore. So now we usually take turns, and it is a special privilege indeed, to be the one who gets to pick first!  Pink Boy will usually watch Star Wars or Speed Racer, but Gun Boy's own special version of Hell is to having to sit through "Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus".  (Frankly, I feel the same way, but I am trying to model Barbie tolerance.)

Topic Week Recap: Confessions From Never Say Neverland

Wow - that did feel good! We aired our dirty laundry on a crowded line and nobody told us to take it down. That's how it goes in Never Say Neverland where the dirty laundry never ends and the population keeps climbing. Whether you have singletons or multiples or both, parenting is hard work. There is no perfect parent. There is no perfect parenting style. Parenting is a learning process, one that goes through changes and backtracks and baffling turns. We've learned to be flexible, we've learned not to judge, we've learned to laugh at ourselves and we've learned that what we said we'd do (or not do) before we had kids was totally insane a wee bit idealistic.

A recap of this week's posts:

Akemi/svtwinmom from Chalk and Cheese Chronicles worries her kids are now the bullies in Keeping My Inner Sanctimommy at Bay

Susan from Thoughts from the Delirious Mind tries not to scream at her kids in Never Say Never

Amy T. from Audren and Nathan reassures herself that she was born to be a mom (right?)

Lisa George from The Curious Georges reexamines her views on parenting in My Life, Examined

Mari B. tries to control her kids...and her past judgments in Please Control Yourself

Polly F. from Fox Tales isn't a bad mom, just a flexible one in I'll Never Do That

Linda D/MommyTwinGirls from Solheim Photography admits to Backpedaling on the TV-thing

On behalf of Mad About Multiples, thank you for reading along. Now go and air your dirty laundry. We won't judge you.

Original post to Mad About Multiples.

I'll Never Do That

"I'll never do that when I have kids". How many times did I tell myself that before I became a mom? How many times have I, since I’ve become a mom, done those things I said I wouldn’t do? In my case, my pre-mommy thoughts centered around FOOD; I swore I would not be a short order cook, I would not take my kids to fast food, and  I would not give my kids candy. Ha! I have now done all three!

I watched my sister and friends as short order cooks for their kids, making anything their child demanded, just to get them to eat. I vowed not to do that. I thought if I insisted hard enough, I could make dinner and my kids would eat whatever I made. It makes me laugh now as I prepare several variations of dinner for my picky eater Ben! What I didn't understand at the time was when babies & kids don't eat, they don't sleep. Sleep as we all know is precious, especially to a tired mommy at the end of the day, so I chose to try to have well fed kids that will sleep.

I loved fast food as a youngster and could eat it all the time. But I avoid it now and try to keep healthy. I am so into healthy eating that I once told my nephew when he was six that California did not have McDonald’s! He discovered one eventually. I was not going to take my kids to fast food, but then I discovered how “fast” and “easy” it is. I think my nanny actually took them the first time, and I was mortified! I guess I had never discussed that McDonalds was off limits. Naturally, my picky eater Ben loved it. Now we visit McDonalds twice a month on the way home from swim class. My kids actually eat better in the car and if I drive slow enough they have finished off the chicken nuggets and the fries, and are onto their favorites, the apple dippers by the time we arrive home. It’s really fantastic!

Please Control Yourself

"Please Control Yourself" - this was a small plastic sign that I once saw screwed to an air conditioning unit in a Tokyo hotel room.  I thought it was hilarious.  Had I known that someday I would have thee children under the age of three, I would have stolen borrowed that little plaque so I could forge it into a necklace to hang on whichever one of my three daughters was misbehaving at any given moment. 

Which brings me to the topic of control.  (No, not my need to have it over everyone and everything; that's another post.)  Seriously, for many years, I wanted to know, why can't moms do a better job of controlling their children in public.  REALLY!!  And then.....I became a parent myself.  I learned how, in the blink of an eye, one can go from the proud mama, innocently shopping at Oakridge Mall with her adorable daughters in perfectly matching outfits, to the person who has experienced the horror of a mini-meltdown (x 3) and is scurrying away as fast as possible, as onlookers stare with furrowed brow.  (Did you know that standing near a fast-moving shopping cart of three girls shrieking for Jamba Juice is an accurate demonstration of the Doppler effect?)

In my previous life, there were at least three situations that come to mind where I know I've given other moms the stink-eye, thinking they lacked control:

My life, examined

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living.  However, I am a big proponent of denial (and that ain't no river in Egypt.)  Once again, at the prompting of Akemi, I am having to write about a subject that I’d rather just push under the couch along with all the dust, Lego’s, hair bands and other detritus that our family of five loses in that abyss.  The subject is:  what do you do as a mom that you swore that you would never do? In the words of a fellow we probably all know too well,  “Oh maaaan!”  (Thank you Swiper). 

Where do I begin?  It’s somewhat hard to remember, but I do seem to recall that I had a lot of high and mighty views on parenting.  One being that parents should be able to control their children at all times.  Anyone who has ever seen me with my monkeys at the grocery store can attest that I do not have control over my children at all times (or hardly ever).  Oh, there's Logan, grabbing a handful of peaches from the fruit bin and dropping them on the ground to see if they will bounce.  Oh, there’s Dane flipping the switch on the jelly bean dispenser and shrieking with delight as they scatter all over the store.  (And, by the way, why do they have that at a child’s eye level?)  And then there’s Nicole who is screaming bloody murder because I won’t let her buy a pair of Dora flip-flops.  

I Was Born to be a Mom...... Right?

I was born to be a mother, at least that's what I grew up believing.  Being the oldest of four siblings, I immediately became a "little mommy."  My sister, who is eleven years younger than me and the baby of the family, would run to me when she got hurt.  I loved to dress her up, do her hair and take her places.  She was my baby.  My mom, who was a stay at home mom, nursed all four of us.  She cooked dinner every night, kept a clean and organized house and hardly ever raised her voice.  She managed four kids with four different schedules with limited help from my dad, who worked quite a bit when we were younger. 

I knew I was going to be a great mom someday.  I had years of experience taking care of my siblings, many years of babysitting to earn money and then 6 years as a first grade teacher.  And I had been taking notes for many years, believe me.  I majored in Child Development and then trained as an elementary school teacher, so I had 6+ years of dealing with children and their families.   As soon as I found out I was pregnant (with twins!) I bought and read every book I could get my hands on, mostly about sleep training, scheduling, nursing, and caring for a newborn.  I took classes at the hospital and read so many different blogs and websites about being a new mom.  I joined Gemini Crickets when I was only four months pregnant and attended just about every New & Expecting Parent meeting.   I was going to be the perfect parent!  After all, how hard could it really be?  All the information was out there.  My mom did it with four kids so raising two shouldn't be that difficult.  Then I became a parent and realized all too quickly just how difficult a job it really was and everything I thought I knew flew out the window!

 Nursing is going to be easy.... right?  Right after the twins were born, I had a huge slap of reality.  Nursing HURT!  I mean, it really hurt.  And it was HARD!  Really, really hard.  Despite exhaustion, I pumped, I went to the newborn club at the hospital for support and I had support from my husband.  I was also in a lot of pain due to a flare up of my rheumatoid arthritis.  I had to be put back on my medication, which was not safe for the babies. This was very devastating to me.  I knew how good breast milk was for my babies and giving them formula was not my plan at all.   I already felt like a failure and they were only 6 weeks old.  I had to get over it and move on.  My first lesson in being a new parent - be flexible!!

NEVER SAY NEVER!! (ahem, I mean Never Say Never)

I think all of us can remember being children and uttering those famous words, "I will never do xyz when I'm grown up." The xyz for me usually involved chores such as, "I would never make my kids do yard work, laundry, dishes, clean the bathroom, etc." The complaints of the immature child were endless. As I aged the "I nevers" also aged. At 16 it became, "I would never make my 16 year old ride their bike to school" or "I would never make my teenager stay home on a Friday night." When I became an adult (and I use that term lightly) and a mother, my "nevers" changed yet again. I will never let my children watch network television, I won't feed them processed sugar, I will never say, "Because I said so", but will use reason instead.

I have stood by many of my "nevers" while some have fallen by the wayside. The biggest one however has neither changed since childhood, nor been upheld. As a child I was very sensitive to being yelled at and swore never to do it myself. As a teenager shouting could shut me down, and I once again swore never to shout at my children. As an adult and mother I reaffirmed my commitment to never yell, shout, or holler at my children. So much for nevers.

As most mothers I have found myself on that ragged corner of fatigue and lack of time. One too many times my kids have failed to get ready on time, to pick up their toys, or go to bed. At that moment I have felt my head spiral completely off my body leaving me with a gaping orifice only capable of spouting frustration in the form of unreasonable threats and demands. Things I have heard myself say (that I swore I never would) include, "Pick up those toys or I'm throwing them away. Get dressed or you're not going. Get in this car right now, or I'm leaving you here." Sometimes reason has already been exhausted, sometimes I'm just exhausted. Either way, I have let down the child within in me that said, "never" and meant it. However, tomorrow is a new day, with a new resolve, and the mommy guilt meter will be reset at 0. See you then.

Susan is mom to 5 year-old twin girls. She blogs at Thoughts from a Delirious Mind. Follow her on Twitter.

Turning the Tables: Keeping My Inner Sanctimommy at Bay

Judging The Bully

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him. He's darting about the mommy-and-me gym class like a firecracker. That kid. The bully. The one-whose-mom-should-be-watching-him.

I watch because I know what's coming next and then it happens, the shove. A little kid down and then, crying.

"Last time, the mom took him home to teach him a lesson." My friend whispers to me.

"Unbelievable, " I whisper back.

Judging the Potty Talk

He's backed up against the wall at a birthday party, my son in his adorable Livie and Luca shoes. A few months shy of three with a blossoming personality, and yet, there he is, helpless and crying as two 4-year-old girls hurl insults at him. "You're stupid!" they yell meanly. "You can't do that, poop baby!"

"That's not a nice thing to say," I admonish, scooping up my "baby." How dare they? What brats! Where are the parents?

I carry my teary eyed son over to my husband and say, "You should hear the words that are coming out of the mouths of those very little girls!"

Topic Week: Confessions From Never Say Neverland

 

It's topic week at Mad About Multiples, so we're pushing aside our organic greens and our holier-than-thou parenting books and coming clean: We are not perfect parents. Ah, that felt good. Breathe... It's not easy to admit that we make mistakes, that we harp on our spouses, that we judge other parents, especially because, well, sometimes we do think that we're perfect parents. So this week, please join us as we bury our judgments, take back those never say nevers and realize we were only perfect parents before we had kids, or in our case, multiples.

We'll be posting on this topic throughout the week starting on Monday, so please settle in with a juice box and a happy meal and join us for this great catharsis. Have a confession to make? Let us know!

Original post to Mad About Multiples, the official club blog of Gemini Crickets Parents of Multiples of Silicon Valley.

Relay for Life: Baby Tighe

When you think of newborn multiples, what comes to mind? Laundry (lots), stacks of diapers (lots and lots!) and cuteness (lots and lots and lots!). There are the usual set of worries: Did they eat enough? Did they sleep enough? Are they hitting their milestones?

For Gemini Crickets mom, Gigi Gobbett, life with newborn triplet boys and a preschool age daughter was all that for sure. But then, just after the triplets' 4 month well baby checkup, her son Tighe was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, Gigi's world of laundry and diapers and cuteness was invaded by an unwanted visitor, neuroblastoma.

"Our pediatrician felt a lump in Tighe's lower abdomen and said she didn't want to alarm us, but wanted to do an ultrasound."

Things didn't look good and the family headed to Stanford hospital for additional ultrasounds, CAT scans and a battery of other medical tests.

When Sibling Rivalry Works

Sibling rivalry. We’ve all heard about it. We’re all learning how to deal with it. Our twins are growing up and we worry the rivalry will escalate. Sure, there’s the normal fighting one can expect with younger kids and babies acting out their “Mine! Mine!” tendencies. But we worry the rivalry may become something more as they grow older, that one twin becomes dominant over the other. We worry that one twin’s accomplishments will result in the other twin feeling inadequate.

But I have to say that sometimes it just works. Sometimes, sibling rivalry makes my life easier. Case in point - the other morning, one of my twins was throwing a fit during the morning routine. The other? Calm, patient and quiet. I knew she wanted to stay out of the crying/screaming fray but when she asked, “Mommy, am I being a good girl?” I knew there was an agenda behind her sweet behavior. She was exhibiting another form of sibling rivalry by demonstrating how good a girl she was in stark comparison to her twin sister at the moment. I appreciated it as I labored to exert some patience of my own to deal with my other [screaming] daughter.

Join us for our New & Expectant Parents Meeting on Feeding (Breastfeeding, Bottle Feeding, Pumping, Formula Feeding) next Wednesday, Janaury 14th

Another great meeting is coming up!  Before our General Meeting next week on Preschool, Gemini Crickets' will host our New & Expectant Parents Meeting next Wednesday, January 14th at 6:15pm at Saratoga Library and our topic will be Feeding for Multiples - breastfeeding, bottle feeding, pumping, formula feeding, combinations of the above - we'll cover it all! - (click here for the details).  Xochitl F., one of Gemini Crickets New & Expectant Parent Liaisons and mom of 2-year-old twin boys, joins us today to tell us her "breastfeeding success story: co-experienced by Fox and Wolfgang F. (2-years-old)."

For more breastfeeding stories, see the following past Mad About Multiples posts:

• The First Time I Didn't Log a Poop
• To Nurse or Not To Nurse...That is the Dilemma
• Breastfeeding in the NICU - It Can (or May Not) Be Done

Here is Xochitl's story:

I want to start my nursing experience on a positive note, before I scare or intimidate future breast feeding moms. I want moms to know that I exclusively breast fed both my twins until the age of 13 months and never had to use formula to supplement. So, yes you can do it!!

I previously wrote in my journal about my experience and went back to re-read what I was feeling after realizing I could breast feed both my twins with ease and this is what I had to say, "Nursing my twin boys is the most successful thing I've ever accomplished in my life.  I've never been more proud of myself, because it was work and it was very hard and I pulled through.  Now I want to help other moms be successful and be able to feel the joy of nursing twins."

Staying sane with schedules at the October New & Expectant Parent Meeting

Michelle O., one of Gemini Crickets' fantastic New and Expectant Parent Liaisons, joins us today to talk about our October New & Expectant Parents Meeting on Schedules and our upcoming New & Expectant Parents meeting on Fitness and Nutrition this Wednesday, November 19th (tomorrow!).

On October 9th, thirty-five parents of multiples attended Gemini Crickets' New and Expectant Parent (NEP) meeting to talk about methods of getting multiples on a schedule, with the goal of adding a bit of sanity and consistency to family life.  Three of our NEP liaisons—Xochitl Orona, Karen Herrick and Michele Seaton—briefly reviewed the various philosophies about and approaches to scheduling, including Babywise, The Baby Whisperer, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Mothering Multiples.  The presenters wanted to leave much of the time for questions and there were many.  The main topic of interest: Sleep!  It’s the holy grail of parents of newborns, particularly parents of multiples.  Parents wanted to know when they could expect their babies to nap longer and when they would sleep through the night.  One woman’s babies were sleeping well at night but napping in only 20 minute increments, and she questioned whether tinkering with the daytime sleep would mess up the good thing she had going at night.  One couple’s daughters were almost there and were wondering how to get the girls from needing a two ounce bottle to get them through the night.  There were more questions than there was time.  There was a lot of back and forth with the presenters, who offered as much personal advise as possible and referred parents to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child as their favorite sleep reference.  In terms of scheduling, attendees left with a list of tips (happily borrowed from last year’s NEP liaisons).   There is a strong possibility that a future NEP meeting will be devoted to sleep.  We’ll keep you posted.

The topic of the November meeting - coming up tomorrow, Wednesday November 19th, is Fitness and Nutrition (click here for all the details).  Just in time for Thanksgiving!  But seriously, we all know how important good nutrition is both pre- and post-birth, but we also know how hard it is to find the time to focus on mom with newborns around.  Gemini Cricket’s Toni Bloom, a nutritionist and registered dietician, has provided some wonderful handouts for the meeting.  Christy Li will be discussing and demoing some Pi-Yo Play mommy and baby exercises.  And NEP liaison Christine Green will be providing information about StrollerPower.  Blendz is donating yummy food. Be sure to join us! Babies are always welcome, as are prospective Gemini Crickets members.

Being a Self-Centered Mom - Join us for our General Meeting on Wednesday, November 19th at 7:30pm

**In the spirit of being "self-centered" let's all meet for a drink after the general meeting at Rock Bottom Brewery in Campbell at the Pruneyard!

"The Self Centered Coach" Julie Van De Wyngaerde, Founder and CEO of Self Centered Moms, helps moms be supported, expressed, loved and fulfilled for the benefit of their families. Julie's presentation focuses on helping moms:

• Stop feeling overwhelmed in the role of mother
• Take more time for themselves without feeling guilty
• Learn where to get more support
• Speak up and ask for what they want
• Have the love they want and need
• Be fulfilled as a mother and in all areas of their life

This event is for all members of Gemini Crickets. Prospective members and babies (under 1 yr old only please) are always welcome! Dinner will be served, so please RSVP via our group on Big Tent.

Wednesday, Nov 19 at 7:30pm
Saratoga Library
13650 Saratoga Ave, Saratoga, CA 95070
(408) 867-6126

Read more about Gemini Crickets General Meetings here.

Original Mad About Multiples post. Learn more about membership with Gemini Crickets Parents of Multiples of Silicon Valley here.

Being Called "The Twins"

How many times do you hear people call your twins "The Twins" or "The Boys" or "The Girls"? How many times do you call them that...yourself?

Having a twin sister myself and being the mother of boy-girl twins, I have a certain perspective on this. Basically, I am not a fan of these terms and consciously try to avoid them. (Although, I do use the term "The Girls" to refer to my girl twin and her younger sister, so perhaps it is slightly inevitable...it is so easy and cute, let's face it!) You see, growing up, my sister and I tried very hard to assert our individual identities. And people constantly calling us "The Twins" or "The Girls" and not being able to tell us apart (even our aunts and uncles often mixed us up) - well, it really pissed us off.

So last week, while

How to juggle twins (or more!) as they eat, sleep and play? - Join Gemini Crickets' New & Expectant Parents Meeting on Schedules next Wednesday Oct 8th

Many parents of twins think scheduling is the key to sanity in those newborn days and weeks and months. With more than two babies, keeping track of things can be even more important. 

Michelle O., one of Gemini Crickets' fantastic New and Expectant Parent Liaisons, joins us today to talk about our upcoming New & Expectant Parents Meeting on Schedules next Wednesday, September 8th.

Six years ago when I was pregnant with my first child a friend of mine gave me two parenting books, warning me that each was a little ideological and expressed quite different points of view about parenting. The first was “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding,” published by La Leche League International. The second was “On Becoming Babywise,” by Gary Ezzo. I read them both, of course, as I was gobbling up as much information as I could. Man, my friend was not kidding! These two books couldn’t be more different. My husband and I decided to go with the Babywise approach. It offered structure, sanity, sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, all wrapped up in a nice little package. I highlighted portions of the book, dog eared pages, I was set. Then my son was born. Turns out I wasn’t a Babywise kinda gal after all and before I knew what hit me, I was wearing him, nursing him on demand, and sleeping with him!

Then came news that I was pregnant with twins. Where the heck did I put that Babywise book?  Because now...

The First Preschool Field Trip for the Twins

My boy-girl twins are now in pre-kindergarten. It is their last year of preschool. But today I've been thinking about some firsts in their preschool days. One pretty big milestone that I remember was their first ever preschool field trip that took place last spring. In the days and weeks leading up to it, I really thought this was going to be no big deal - well, it was a big milestone, but I honestly didn't think they would have any problems with it. From the photos, it looks like they had a great time, but...

Let me take you through the morning.

My First Day Out With My Baby Girls

This was a very important day for my fellow mommy friend, Cathy, and me. It was the day we proved to ourselves that we could do it. We could take the girls out on our own with no husband, no other adult support - just us and the girls. Our girls were one month old. Her baby daughter was only 2 days older than my twinfants. It was the first time I ventured out alone with the girls for an outing. Sure, we’d done some errands here and there. But actually hangin’ out somewhere without my husband?

Cathy and I decided to go out to lunch, after the main lunch hour. We weren’t really sure what to expect with the girls…would they cry? Scream? Both Cathy and I were already over the nursing in public jitters. Neither of us had any qualms about pulling out a breast when our babies needed it – whenever and wherever we were. Of course, we completely understood that there are still many people out there who would feel very uncomfortable if confronted with such a scene. So, we had our blankets ready, not for us but for them. Silly, but oh well.

The First Time I Didn't Log a Poop!

It all started with a single entry: Baby A 2:21pm 1 ounce consumed.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and things were ramping up ever so slightly. Baby A 1:20am 4 ounces, 5am 4 ounces, 8am 2 ounces, 9:15am 3.5 ounces and so on. Baby B 1:30am 4 ounces, 3:30am 4 ounces, 6:15am another 4 ounces and so on. Thus, on that particular day in late November 2004, I can tell you that my newborn twins had consumed over 24 ounces each and had nursed a meager 30 and 40 minutes, respectively. We changed a combined 12 wet diapers and 2 poopy diapers. I pumped at 1am, 5:30am, 10am, 4pm and 7:15pm.

Are you dizzy yet?

The Constant Equalizer

Remember when you first knew you were expecting twins, one of your major worries was "Am I going to have to buy TWO of everything?" followed quickly by well, an endless list of other concerns. Then after attending your first New & Expectant Parents meeting at your local moms of multiples club, you realize you don't need two of everything. In fact, you'll probably set up an entertainment circuit of sorts that your babies will alternate through to accommodate their endless changes of moods. If happy baby in the swing gets bored and starts crying, you move her to the playmat with lots of hanging animals and curious rattles. Sad baby in bouncing chair? Move him to the swing...and so on and so forth.

BUT, what you don't really talk about in those meetings is that as your twins (or more!) get older, you develop an oversensitivity to equalizing everything between (or among) your kids...in a sometimes illogical, impractical way. Just the other day, the strap on the sandal of one of my twin's shoes broke. So, I headed to the store to purchase a new pair. As I spent far more time than necessary deciding which style to get, my mind wandered to which ones my other twin daughter would like. Waitaminute...her sandals are just fine. She doesn't need a new pair. BUT.

Singleton vs. Twins Playgroups

Playgroups are my life saver.  It has been a great opportunity for my kids to socialize with other kids their age while I get to know other moms and ask questions, share stories, exchange ideas and meet up at fun and interesting places.   I love meeting up with other moms so much that I belong to two play groups that meet weekly – my twins playgroup that has been meeting since the kids were about 5 months old, and my playgroup with all singletons and a few with siblings that has been meeting for about a year and a half now.   It’s been hard to balance the two, but it’s nice to have so many different things to do every week and I’ve made some really great friends in the process.  This network of moms is invaluable to me.  Although I have to admit, it’s been fun to compare the two play groups.  As parents of multiples, I’m sure you can relate as most of us have friends and/or family members with singletons. It’s so hard not to notice what different lives we lead! 

Here are my observations when comparing the two playgroups (meant to be humorous, of course!):

Boxes

I have found that having twins of the same gender elicits pre-conceptions among strangers. There are two types of reactions:  1)  Are they identical?  2)  Are their personalities really different? Would it be that life was so black and white. Number one, they are not identical and to my eye, they don’t even look that much alike. I’ve remedied this by only cutting one of the twin’s hair. Believe it or not, I think the hair is what was making people think that they were identical. Now I’m getting, “Wow, they don’t look much alike.” 

Yes, the twin experience is different than being a singleton but the way this affects their personalities is up for debate. They did share a womb and are almost always together so this does affect how they perceive and interact with the world (nurture).  But, biologically, they are the same as any two brothers (nature). When they are young, it is difficult to keep their identities separate and distinct and most of us probably fall into the trap of lumping them together with terms such as “the boys” or “the twins” or in my case, “the monsters” … I say this in the most loving manner possible (wink, wink).

Is there life after twins and a singleton?

The answer is, unequivocally, YES!  My wife and I have found that we are so full of life we can hardly control ourselves… or our children. Just kidding - we can control ourselves.

We are now the proud parents of Morgan and Gemma, 2.5 years old, Oliver, 7 months old and Audrie, 10 years old, from my first marriage. We have had our hands full but feel fortunate to have had the twins first. The regimen we set up for them and learning how to stay with a schedule or plan has been a tremendous help with our newborn.

It has been much more difficult than we imagined and there are times when we feel we are going to go crazy. Of course, the joy of holding Oliver or seeing him cuddle with the girls makes it all worthwhile. Following are several tips that may help if you are in the process of having a singleton after your twins:

Help & Support

Where to find support and how to ask for help has been a very popular topic of discussion on Big Tent (the Gemini Crickets on-line community). I often see members post questions about where to find a reliable nanny, recommendations for night nurses, au pair agencies and mother's helpers or babysitters. But there are also many questions about how to do it on your own - feedings, shopping, schedules, housework, meals and most recently, how to care for a toddler and newborn twins.  With such a high interest in this topic, our May New & Expecting Parents meeting included three speakers - all of which had experience and expertise on how to find support and how to ask for help during that critical first year of having multiples.  The panel included Jessica Gillan, president of A Nanny Solution, Inc., a nanny placement agency, Elaine Farber, newborn consultant and author with over 25 years experience in multiple birth, and Cheryl M. Wenzel-Nelson, mother of 3 year old boy/girl twins who writes and speaks about the transition to motherhood.  The combined experience of these three women was invaluable. 

Jessica answered many questions from the group about how to hire a nanny, including fees, education, background checks, hours and job duties.  She encouraged parents to never settle when finding adequate childcare and that it's OK to be picky when hiring a nanny.

Instant Celebrity!

Outside of planning for two babies – two cribs, a double stroller, two car seats, double the diapers, etc. – we really didn’t think much more about what it would mean having twins. It’s not like it’s a rarity, especially in the Bay Area. Imagine our surprise when we first took our twin infants for an outing and was stopped by complete strangers wanting to see our babies. Now I admit, it was kinda fun in the beginning. I mean, our babies were the most beautiful we’d ever seen (doesn’t every parent think so about their own?) and why shouldn’t someone want to see them. Well, this grew old very quickly – and not because of the unexpected celebrity status thrown upon the babies and by relation, the parents. No, it was because for some reason, acquaintances and complete strangers had the gall to ask the most personal of questions. Having twins gave strangers the temerity to think they could, in a most casual manner and under the guise of admiring the babies, delve into a very private area of the parents’ lives. What happened to polite society? What happened to privacy?

The most popular questions people would ask -
- IVF?
- Did you have a C-section?
- Do you have twins in your family?
- Are you going to have more children?

Uh. Hello. I don’t know you. What business is it of yours anyway? At least, that’s what I would have loved to say to these people and don’t really know why I didn’t. I know I was shocked when someone first asked me these questions. I couldn’t believe they could ask such personal questions. I think I embarrassingly mumbled something and left as quickly as possible. As I thought about it, I got angry. I thought of a few retorts…but the moment was lost and I’m sure that my upbringing would have asserted itself anyway – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. I guess you have to deal with this sort of thing in your own way but I’ll list the retorts I have ready to go, just in case you feel less inhibited than I to apply them (by the way “Does it matter?” seems to be a good universal answer to most of these rude, insensitive questions):

My Cheatin' Heart

No, I haven't gone country on you now that I've moved to Texas.  I just thought this was an appropriate title for this post.  As a mom of twin boys plus big sister who’s 19 months older, I often feel torn in many directions. Sometimes the act of being “torn” is more literal than others. If I’m watching tv on the couch with the kids, they all jockey for the prominent position in which to a) cuddle or b) which is more often the case, stake their claim (in this instance, the claim is mommy). I start to feel like a human trampoline, with six legs, hands and feet all pouncing with abandon. Then there are the tears because no one ends up being happy with all this jockeying and pouncing.   Being a human jumpy house is not just reserved for mommy; daddy gets treated like this too.

It’s nice to be wanted, but I’m in a relationship with two men and a little lady. I often feel like I’m “cheating” on them because I can’t focus solely on each child. This is especially evident with my little men. The cheating with Dane and Logan is fairly brazen. As just happened a few minutes ago, both were needing some mommy lovin’.  Logan wanted to be comforted and Dane wanted to be playful.  So here I am with  Logan in one arm whispering soothing words and stroking his head while I’m tickling Dane who’s on my other side laughing hysterically. This can’t be emotionally healthy for anyone involved. Such is the life of a twin (plus one) mom. People have told me that it will get easier when the boys are 3-1/2 and Nicole is 5. OK, I’m holding them to this. Only 1-1/2 years to go …

Original Mad About Multiples blog post.

Addicted to Binkies

Hi, my name is Amy and my two year old twins are addicted to binkies. It all started the day they were born. The nurses in the hospital gave them each pacifiers and it immediately soothed them. My husband and I didn’t think twice about using it as a way to calm our newborn twins. I had received several packages of binkies as shower gifts before the babies were even born. Whenever they got fussy, we’d pop that binkie in and we they were happy as can be.   We put them to bed with a binkie and for the first few months they’d spit it out and then start to cry because they couldn’t get it back in on their own (swaddling makes that difficult). We ran into their rooms and put the binkie back in so we could all get a few more hours of precious sleep. Soon, they figured out how to put it back in all by themselves. Hooray!!! Finding the binkie at night in the dark was proving to be difficult for each baby so my husband would scatter about 50 5 binkies in their cribs so no matter where they turned, they’d find one. Genius! Over time, we have bought and lost so many binkies – I think we own stock in Gerber. I even bought those cute little clips when they were infants that connect the binkie to their shirt so we’d never lose them.

My husband and I have been caught a few times without binkies when out shopping or in the car. Believe me, you only make that mistake once. Kids are screaming, we are cursing yelling and blaming each other, trying to find a darn binkie. “I thought you had one,” I shout to my husband. “I thought YOU brought them,” he  says through clenched teeth while frantically searching his pockets and the stroller.   Now you can look in our car and find about 100 10 different binkies stashed throughout the glove box, diaper bag, car seat and my purse. At the top of our checklist when leaving the house isn’t food and diapers. Yep, you guessed it, it’s BINKIES!

Now that the kids have turned two,