"Please Control Yourself" - this was a small plastic sign that I once saw screwed to an air conditioning unit in a Tokyo hotel room. I thought it was hilarious. Had I known that someday I would have thee children under the age of three, I would have
stolen borrowed that little plaque so I could forge it into a necklace to hang on whichever one of my three daughters was misbehaving at any given moment.
Which brings me to the topic of control. (No, not my need to have it over everyone and everything; that's another post.) Seriously, for many years, I wanted to know, why can't moms do a better job of controlling their children in public. REALLY!! And then.....I became a parent myself. I learned how, in the blink of an eye, one can go from the proud mama, innocently shopping at Oakridge Mall with her adorable daughters in perfectly matching outfits, to the person who has experienced the horror of a mini-meltdown (x 3) and is scurrying away as fast as possible, as onlookers stare with furrowed brow. (Did you know that standing near a fast-moving shopping cart of three girls shrieking for Jamba Juice is an accurate demonstration of the Doppler effect?)
In my previous life, there were at least three situations that come to mind where I know I've given other moms the stink-eye, thinking they lacked control:
Meltdowns at the Mall – We've all seen it. The kid who throws him/herself onto the floor kicking and screaming, only because they want a balloon/ice cream/toy they can't have. I, as a non-parent, recall shaking my head and thinking, “Geez, lady, do something. Your kids is making a scene right here in the middle of Target.” Uhhh...fast forward a few years. Me, shopping with my mom, daughter #1 in tow, at the very-pink Sanrio (aka Hello Kitty) store to let Naomi pick out a lollipop. (Side note: I love Hello Kitty and if I had boy/girl twins, I would have been tempted to name them Kiki and Lala, but I digress...) So confronted with a myriad of Japanese-inspired pink-smelling confections, Naomi can't decide. Blue lolly. No, pink lolly. No, blue. PINK! “Are you sure?” I ask, as we pay for her treat and leave. Bad move. Not 30 seconds out of the store, candy wrapper already discarded, she begins to wail, “NOOOOOOO!!! I wanted the blue one!!!! Waaaaa ~~~” Of course I can't give in and buy another, although her Grandma would like to do so. People are staring. My mother is MORTIFIED. I'm mortified. Naturally, we are parked at the other end of the mall, and I'm hightailing it, thinking I should have brought the jog stroller so I could have RUN to the car.to hide the embarrassment of a screaming, crying and obviously undisciplined child. All along the way, I can see people tisk tisk-ing me, the parent who can't seem to control their out-of control kid. Yup, that was me...
Grazing at the Grocery – Wow! Have you ever seen *those* mom who feed their kids Goldfish crackers while still shopping. Kinda tacky, don't you think? Shouldn't you teach your child that you need to pay for things first? How about a little impulse control? Ha ha ha! Yeah...ever try to push a double stroller loaded down with infant seats and an overflowing diaper bag, with another rugrat strapped to your back in a carrier, while TOWING a shopping cart? Not fun. God forbid that you are in Costco in the shampoo aisle only to realize that you forgot to pickup strawberries and then have to backtrack ¼ mile to the cold section. Honestly, with the looks I get, you'd think I was a traveling circus. Never mind that I'm only 4'9” so I sometimes make my preschooler sit on my head to reach items from the top shelf. (Now THAT is a real Cirque du Soleil trick.) And what is the first thing I pickup at the grocery? Organic whole wheat crackers Raisins Mini-marshmallows. Do I pay for my Stay-Puffs before my girls tear into them? Nope. I doubt I remember even to wash their germy little hands first. However, I have just bought myself approximately 15 minutes of whine-free shopping. Inappropriate? Maybe. Absolutely necessary? YES!
Leashing the Lassie - Ah yes, the dreaded leash. Who, in their right mind, would LEASH their kid? I mean really, can't you keep track of your child without having to tether him/her to your body? Uhhh, well, I hate to admit this...and I REALLY hate to admit this, but I actually used a harness on my crazy-active 17 month old daughter at Gilroy Gardens this past weekend. In fact, when my mother-in-law gave the harness to me as a present, I remember thinking, “Excuse me? My kid's not an animal. I would never EVER use this thing!” But after finding Elise standing on the dining table, dive bombing off the sofa, and trying to run down the sidewalk while I wrangled her twin and made sure my four-year old stayed put, I realized that in some situations, a harness might not be such a bad idea. Besides, this is a cute harness that's disguised as an adorable little monkey backpack - you know, so moms don't feel completely humiliated when they have to bust it out. Fortunately, I found the strap to it just before we ran out the door for our excursion (one hour later than planned, of course), because the retractable leash we use on our real dog was otherwise looking like a pretty good replacement! Yes, I've become *that* mom, who in times of feeling completely outnumbered and overwhelmed by her children, may even resort to THE LEASH.
So, there you have it. My days of judgment are officially over. I now find myself giving words of support to my fellow moms struggling at the store rather than shooting them scornful stares. And come to think of it, my very dear friend has a plastic fabrication business. I wonder if I could commission THREE little plastic signs...
Original post to Mad About Multiples blog by Mari B.
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