I think all of us can remember being children and uttering those famous
words, "I will never do xyz when I'm grown up." The xyz for me usually
involved chores such as, "I would never make my kids do yard work,
laundry, dishes, clean the bathroom, etc." The complaints of the
immature child were endless. As I aged the "I nevers" also aged. At 16
it became, "I would never make my 16 year old ride their bike to
school" or "I would never make my teenager stay home on a Friday
night." When I became an adult (and I use that term lightly) and a
mother, my "nevers" changed yet again. I will never let my children
watch network television, I won't feed them processed sugar, I will
never say, "Because I said so", but will use reason instead.
I have stood by many of my "nevers" while some have fallen by the wayside. The biggest one however has neither changed since childhood, nor been upheld. As a child I was very sensitive to being yelled at and swore never to do it myself. As a teenager shouting could shut me down, and I once again swore never to shout at my children. As an adult and mother I reaffirmed my commitment to never yell, shout, or holler at my children. So much for nevers.
As most mothers I have found myself on that ragged corner of fatigue and lack of time. One too many times my kids have failed to get ready on time, to pick up their toys, or go to bed. At that moment I have felt my head spiral completely off my body leaving me with a gaping orifice only capable of spouting frustration in the form of unreasonable threats and demands. Things I have heard myself say (that I swore I never would) include, "Pick up those toys or I'm throwing them away. Get dressed or you're not going. Get in this car right now, or I'm leaving you here." Sometimes reason has already been exhausted, sometimes I'm just exhausted. Either way, I have let down the child within in me that said, "never" and meant it. However, tomorrow is a new day, with a new resolve, and the mommy guilt meter will be reset at 0. See you then.
Susan is mom to 5 year-old twin girls. She blogs at Thoughts from a Delirious Mind. Follow her on Twitter.
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