I was born to be a mother, at least that's what I grew up believing. Being the oldest of four siblings, I immediately became a "little mommy." My sister, who is eleven years younger than me and the baby of the family, would run to me when she got hurt. I loved to dress her up, do her hair and take her places. She was my baby. My mom, who was a stay at home mom, nursed all four of us. She cooked dinner every night, kept a clean and organized house and hardly ever raised her voice. She managed four kids with four different schedules with limited help from my dad, who worked quite a bit when we were younger.
I knew I was going to be a great mom someday. I had years of experience taking care of my siblings, many years of babysitting to earn money and then 6 years as a first grade teacher. And I had been taking notes for many years, believe me. I majored in Child Development and then trained as an elementary school teacher, so I had 6+ years of dealing with children and their families. As soon as I found out I was pregnant (with twins!) I bought and read every book I could get my hands on, mostly about sleep training, scheduling, nursing, and caring for a newborn. I took classes at the hospital and read so many different blogs and websites about being a new mom. I joined Gemini Crickets when I was only four months pregnant and attended just about every New & Expecting Parent meeting. I was going to be the perfect parent! After all, how hard could it really be? All the information was out there. My mom did it with four kids so raising two shouldn't be that difficult. Then I became a parent and realized all too quickly just how difficult a job it really was and everything I thought I knew flew out the window!
Nursing is going to be easy.... right? Right after the twins were born, I had a huge slap of reality. Nursing HURT! I mean, it really hurt. And it was HARD! Really, really hard. Despite exhaustion, I pumped, I went to the newborn club at the hospital for support and I had support from my husband. I was also in a lot of pain due to a flare up of my rheumatoid arthritis. I had to be put back on my medication, which was not safe for the babies. This was very devastating to me. I knew how good breast milk was for my babies and giving them formula was not my plan at all. I already felt like a failure and they were only 6 weeks old. I had to get over it and move on. My first lesson in being a new parent - be flexible!!
Patience will come naturally to me..... right? I was much more patient as a teacher with other peoples' children so why wasn't this transferring over to my own children? When I saw parents lose their patience with their kids out in public I thought they were horrible and mean. Try taking 2 toddlers to the grocery store and you'll really test your patience! I've learned to not set myself up for difficult situations with the kids, plan better, take deep breaths and find some time for myself. I really expected to have all the "right" words when my kids were fighting or testing the limits but instead I try not to raise my voice and just react most of the time. I was able to manage a class of 20 first graders but there are days when I find it difficult to manage two 3 year-olds!
Being a stay at home mom is going to be fun..... right? Remember, I had the mom who loved being home with four kids and will say the same thing to this day. Sure, she had some "hard" days but overall she really enjoyed it. I think she forgot just how hard those hard days were. Either that, or I am the worst mother ever because I have many hard days. I don't think I was quite prepared for the change of having a full time job to being home full time with the kids. I was surprised at just how much of an adjustment it was for me. Before the babies were born, I had visions of preparing lovely meals every day, maybe take up a hobby or two, my house would be clean and tidy, laundry folded because I would have ALL the time in the world. Hmmm, let's just say my kids are 3 years old and I still battle with time management and just trying to get the basics done every day. I have a lot of fun with my kids but I can't do it all.
My morning routine won't change..... right? I used to judge moms who looked, well, like moms. I couldn't figure out why moms who dropped their kids off at school looked like they had just rolled out of bed. I swore I wasn't going to be one of those moms. Yeah, right! I'm lucky to get a shower every other day. A good day is when my black sweat suit from Old Navy is clean and ready to wear, my hair is in a ponytail and I am at least wearing eyeliner and mascara so I don't look as tired as I feel. My priorities have changed completely and even though I would love to spend an hour getting ready every morning (like I used to) it's just not how I am able to spend my time in the morning. Getting myself and two kids ready and out the door is tough - especially if we have to be somewhere at a certain time.
Toddlers should never watch television or eat junk food..... right? OK, I really broke this rule and not at the same time necessarily and not every day. But I admit, they do both of these things and it's purely my fault. Everything you read says limit screen time and of course, proper nutrition is very important. Again, reality set in and my kids become more and more familiar with Thomas, Caillou, Sesame Street and the rest of the PBS line up while I tried to get lunches made, the car loaded and out the door to our next adventure. And without TV I might not get my shower! Junk food...... well, my toddlers have inhaled tasted ice cream, cookies, and other treats and we have been known to grab a happy meal or two or three. They eat really well, don't get me wrong, but they know french fries and chicken nuggets.
What has parenthood taught me so far? It's OK not to be perfect and I have to cut myself some slack. Unfortunately I have a habit (like most moms I know) of putting too much pressure on myself to do everything "right" instead of trusting my instincts and going with the flow. I really was meant to be a mom, just not a perfect one!
Original post to Mad About Multiples blog.
Amy is mom to 3 year-old twins, Audrey and Nathan.
Photo credit: Babyjidesign
