Mad About Multiples!

How Do You Tell Them Apart?

He has the more Asian eyes.

There. I'd said it. I hadn't meant to say it. I'd never said it before. But there it was, out in the open: He has the more Asian eyes.

They'd stood there staring at his eyes, at the eyes of his brother, at my eyes. The eyes of strangers darting from boy to boy, trying to tell them apart. Asian eyes - this one. Non-Asian eyes - that one? Is that what she meant?

Cute twin, homely twin? White verses Asian? Aha - she has a favorite! She's proud of his eyes, so much like her own. Asian eyes. No, no - she's embarrassed by his eyes, so much like her own. The Asian twin, more like his mother. The caucasian twin, more like his father.

Stop!

Let's rewind, shall we? He's the one with the goofy grin. His brother has the wider face darker hair bigger feet his shirt on backwards.

Now can you tell the difference? C'mon!

When Sibling Rivalry Works

Sibling rivalry. We’ve all heard about it. We’re all learning how to deal with it. Our twins are growing up and we worry the rivalry will escalate. Sure, there’s the normal fighting one can expect with younger kids and babies acting out their “Mine! Mine!” tendencies. But we worry the rivalry may become something more as they grow older, that one twin becomes dominant over the other. We worry that one twin’s accomplishments will result in the other twin feeling inadequate.

But I have to say that sometimes it just works. Sometimes, sibling rivalry makes my life easier. Case in point - the other morning, one of my twins was throwing a fit during the morning routine. The other? Calm, patient and quiet. I knew she wanted to stay out of the crying/screaming fray but when she asked, “Mommy, am I being a good girl?” I knew there was an agenda behind her sweet behavior. She was exhibiting another form of sibling rivalry by demonstrating how good a girl she was in stark comparison to her twin sister at the moment. I appreciated it as I labored to exert some patience of my own to deal with my other [screaming] daughter.