Mad About Multiples!

Barbie versus Transformers

My twin boys are pretty typical 4 1/2 year-olds - active, social and loving, and for a long time they were into animals, trucks, trains and cars.  We read and watched a lot of Curious George, Miss Spider, and Thomas.  We got lots of educational DK books on trains, cars, animals and trucks. 

This last year however, my boys' interests have begun to radically change and diverge.  One of them, let's call him.....Gun Boy, loves all things battle-related - Star Wars, Transformers, Pokemon, his 2 index fingers.  He knows all the names of the good guy Transformers and the bad guy Transformers, and he knows that Sheildon is a Rock-type Pokemon. (Don't get me started.)  He sleeps with his Buzz Lightyear blaster and he would sell his soul for a light saber.

My other one, loves loves loves.......Barbie (and Ariel, Belle, Aurora and Jasmine).   He has Barbie stickers,  Princess and Barbie books and DVDs, a Disney Princess sleeping bag, and his prize-possession -  a Sleeping Beauty doll.  He swooned when he met Belle at Disneyland.

Here is a typical exchange these days:

Me: What should we read/watch/play?

Gun Boy: Transformers!

Pink Boy: Barbie!

Me: How 'bout _________? (some other non-Battle or Barbie/Princess related item)

Them: (screams of agony)

I'm sure many of you already know the drill - I'm just late to the game.  It's hard to find anything that we can all enjoy.  I used to make them pick something that they both liked - but there is no middle ground anymore. So now we usually take turns, and it is a special privilege indeed, to be the one who gets to pick first!  Pink Boy will usually watch Star Wars or Speed Racer, but Gun Boy's own special version of Hell is to having to sit through "Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus".  (Frankly, I feel the same way, but I am trying to model Barbie tolerance.)

Bye-Bye Diapers! ...And Music Together! Join us for our General Meeting on Potty Training Multiples and our New & Expectant Parent Meeting for Music Together - Wed, July 1st

Wondering how you will wrangle two or more kids out of diapers and into big kid pants? Be sure not to miss our upcoming General Meeting on potty training multiples on Wednesday, July 1st at 7:30pm at Saratoga Library, with Heidi Emberling - a speaker from the Parents Place. Click here for all the details.

Course Description:
Like many lessons in life, learning to use the toilet is not one that we can really teach children, but there are ways that we can help them teach themselves. This workshop includes information that helps you understand how to set up both an environment and an attitude that will guide and promote your child’s progress. You will learn how consistency with a routine can help your child feel more in control and gain independence.

Course Objectives:
* To recognize signs of readiness in children.
* To discuss the importance of commitment and flexibility in helping children toilet train.
* To help create an environment and attitude that will foster success.
* To discuss how gender and temperament impact toilet training.
* To recognize the external routines that promote internal regulation.
* To discuss the difference between pressuring versus following through.
* To recognize that regression is a natural part of the ongoing process.

We will also be having a New & Expectant Parent Meeting before the potty training meeting (from 6:15pm - 7:30pm) - it will be a fun Music Together class.

New and prospective members are welcome to join and babies are always welcome.

See you there!

Shopping With Seat Belts Securely Fastened...Uh...Oh Yea...

[Last week's topic on Mommy Confessions From Never, Never Land inspired one of our members and guest contributor, Pam C., to share her own never-say-never story below. Thanks, Pam!]

In a far away land called BC (before children), I would often babysit my nieces. Whenever I took ONE OF THEM (not two!) shopping when they were young, I made them sit in the front seat of the shopping cart with the seat belt safely buckled. One of my nieces in particular would beg to ride on the edge of the shopping cart, or to sit in the basket part, but, noooo, I would never let her - that wouldn't be safe now, would it?

Fast forward. I have 3 year old twins. Except for maybe Costco and a few Safeways, stores don't have shopping carts made for twins. So what is a mom to do? Why, let one child sit in the basket and/or let one child ride on the edge of the cart. Yesterday, at Trader Joe's, which, for the record, have really small shopping carts to begin with, my daughter wanted to sit in the front and she was of course (not) buckled in for safety. My son wanted to walk. I needed to get yogurt, but that area was congested, so I parked the cart no more than 5 feet away from me (I swear!) and peacefully walked over to the yogurt. I didn't even have the yogurt in my hand when I heard this sickening crash. I turned around to see my daughter's head hit the floor and then saw that my son was pinned under the shopping cart that he had just tipped over! (My son had apparently decided, while I took my 5 steps over towards the yogurt, that he was tired of walking and that standing on the SIDE rail of the cart would allow him to rest. The rest, as the saying goes, is history and my daughter just went along for the ride.)

Topic Week Recap: Confessions From Never Say Neverland

Wow - that did feel good! We aired our dirty laundry on a crowded line and nobody told us to take it down. That's how it goes in Never Say Neverland where the dirty laundry never ends and the population keeps climbing. Whether you have singletons or multiples or both, parenting is hard work. There is no perfect parent. There is no perfect parenting style. Parenting is a learning process, one that goes through changes and backtracks and baffling turns. We've learned to be flexible, we've learned not to judge, we've learned to laugh at ourselves and we've learned that what we said we'd do (or not do) before we had kids was totally insane a wee bit idealistic.

A recap of this week's posts:

Akemi/svtwinmom from Chalk and Cheese Chronicles worries her kids are now the bullies in Keeping My Inner Sanctimommy at Bay

Susan from Thoughts from the Delirious Mind tries not to scream at her kids in Never Say Never

Amy T. from Audren and Nathan reassures herself that she was born to be a mom (right?)

Lisa George from The Curious Georges reexamines her views on parenting in My Life, Examined

Mari B. tries to control her kids...and her past judgments in Please Control Yourself

Polly F. from Fox Tales isn't a bad mom, just a flexible one in I'll Never Do That

Linda D/MommyTwinGirls from Solheim Photography admits to Backpedaling on the TV-thing

On behalf of Mad About Multiples, thank you for reading along. Now go and air your dirty laundry. We won't judge you.

Original post to Mad About Multiples.

Backpeddling On the TV-thing

I would never let my child watch that much TV!

Ever think that? Ever say it? Ever judge another parent for allowing their children to assume the zombie-like state in front of a TV? Yea…it’s a sentiment I voiced myself once or twice (okay, maybe more)…before we had children. After all, we live in California. Children should be outside playing – catching a lizard, maybe? Gathering rolly-polly’s? Camping in their play tents? Having a tea party? Drawing on the sidewalk? Whatever it is, shouldn’t kids be outside as much as possible? Why would you ever let kids sit inside the house on a glorious, sunny day, whiling away the time in front of the TV? *hand raised* Uh. Well. Hmmmm…there are several reasons, one of which is to prevent your children from destroying the house while your attention is elsewhere.

Oh, how my naivete has tempered my sense of what’s right or wrong, good or bad when raising kids. There’s philosophy and then there’s…ahem reality. Our kids can get very busy when we’re not watching very closely. Disaster areas pop up rather quickly in our home. But put them in front of the TV and hours (I won’t say how many…bad enough that I use the plural form of the word) later, the house is still somewhat livable. Just this last weekend, my husband and I had to finish painting walls, laying hardwood floor and ensuring the shower in our bathroom was fixed (all in the name of a lower mortgage rate). This meant Storyteller and Songwriter were on their own.

I'll Never Do That

"I'll never do that when I have kids". How many times did I tell myself that before I became a mom? How many times have I, since I’ve become a mom, done those things I said I wouldn’t do? In my case, my pre-mommy thoughts centered around FOOD; I swore I would not be a short order cook, I would not take my kids to fast food, and  I would not give my kids candy. Ha! I have now done all three!

I watched my sister and friends as short order cooks for their kids, making anything their child demanded, just to get them to eat. I vowed not to do that. I thought if I insisted hard enough, I could make dinner and my kids would eat whatever I made. It makes me laugh now as I prepare several variations of dinner for my picky eater Ben! What I didn't understand at the time was when babies & kids don't eat, they don't sleep. Sleep as we all know is precious, especially to a tired mommy at the end of the day, so I chose to try to have well fed kids that will sleep.

I loved fast food as a youngster and could eat it all the time. But I avoid it now and try to keep healthy. I am so into healthy eating that I once told my nephew when he was six that California did not have McDonald’s! He discovered one eventually. I was not going to take my kids to fast food, but then I discovered how “fast” and “easy” it is. I think my nanny actually took them the first time, and I was mortified! I guess I had never discussed that McDonalds was off limits. Naturally, my picky eater Ben loved it. Now we visit McDonalds twice a month on the way home from swim class. My kids actually eat better in the car and if I drive slow enough they have finished off the chicken nuggets and the fries, and are onto their favorites, the apple dippers by the time we arrive home. It’s really fantastic!

Please Control Yourself

"Please Control Yourself" - this was a small plastic sign that I once saw screwed to an air conditioning unit in a Tokyo hotel room.  I thought it was hilarious.  Had I known that someday I would have thee children under the age of three, I would have stolen borrowed that little plaque so I could forge it into a necklace to hang on whichever one of my three daughters was misbehaving at any given moment. 

Which brings me to the topic of control.  (No, not my need to have it over everyone and everything; that's another post.)  Seriously, for many years, I wanted to know, why can't moms do a better job of controlling their children in public.  REALLY!!  And then.....I became a parent myself.  I learned how, in the blink of an eye, one can go from the proud mama, innocently shopping at Oakridge Mall with her adorable daughters in perfectly matching outfits, to the person who has experienced the horror of a mini-meltdown (x 3) and is scurrying away as fast as possible, as onlookers stare with furrowed brow.  (Did you know that standing near a fast-moving shopping cart of three girls shrieking for Jamba Juice is an accurate demonstration of the Doppler effect?)

In my previous life, there were at least three situations that come to mind where I know I've given other moms the stink-eye, thinking they lacked control:

My life, examined

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living.  However, I am a big proponent of denial (and that ain't no river in Egypt.)  Once again, at the prompting of Akemi, I am having to write about a subject that I’d rather just push under the couch along with all the dust, Lego’s, hair bands and other detritus that our family of five loses in that abyss.  The subject is:  what do you do as a mom that you swore that you would never do? In the words of a fellow we probably all know too well,  “Oh maaaan!”  (Thank you Swiper). 

Where do I begin?  It’s somewhat hard to remember, but I do seem to recall that I had a lot of high and mighty views on parenting.  One being that parents should be able to control their children at all times.  Anyone who has ever seen me with my monkeys at the grocery store can attest that I do not have control over my children at all times (or hardly ever).  Oh, there's Logan, grabbing a handful of peaches from the fruit bin and dropping them on the ground to see if they will bounce.  Oh, there’s Dane flipping the switch on the jelly bean dispenser and shrieking with delight as they scatter all over the store.  (And, by the way, why do they have that at a child’s eye level?)  And then there’s Nicole who is screaming bloody murder because I won’t let her buy a pair of Dora flip-flops.  

I Was Born to be a Mom...... Right?

I was born to be a mother, at least that's what I grew up believing.  Being the oldest of four siblings, I immediately became a "little mommy."  My sister, who is eleven years younger than me and the baby of the family, would run to me when she got hurt.  I loved to dress her up, do her hair and take her places.  She was my baby.  My mom, who was a stay at home mom, nursed all four of us.  She cooked dinner every night, kept a clean and organized house and hardly ever raised her voice.  She managed four kids with four different schedules with limited help from my dad, who worked quite a bit when we were younger. 

I knew I was going to be a great mom someday.  I had years of experience taking care of my siblings, many years of babysitting to earn money and then 6 years as a first grade teacher.  And I had been taking notes for many years, believe me.  I majored in Child Development and then trained as an elementary school teacher, so I had 6+ years of dealing with children and their families.   As soon as I found out I was pregnant (with twins!) I bought and read every book I could get my hands on, mostly about sleep training, scheduling, nursing, and caring for a newborn.  I took classes at the hospital and read so many different blogs and websites about being a new mom.  I joined Gemini Crickets when I was only four months pregnant and attended just about every New & Expecting Parent meeting.   I was going to be the perfect parent!  After all, how hard could it really be?  All the information was out there.  My mom did it with four kids so raising two shouldn't be that difficult.  Then I became a parent and realized all too quickly just how difficult a job it really was and everything I thought I knew flew out the window!

 Nursing is going to be easy.... right?  Right after the twins were born, I had a huge slap of reality.  Nursing HURT!  I mean, it really hurt.  And it was HARD!  Really, really hard.  Despite exhaustion, I pumped, I went to the newborn club at the hospital for support and I had support from my husband.  I was also in a lot of pain due to a flare up of my rheumatoid arthritis.  I had to be put back on my medication, which was not safe for the babies. This was very devastating to me.  I knew how good breast milk was for my babies and giving them formula was not my plan at all.   I already felt like a failure and they were only 6 weeks old.  I had to get over it and move on.  My first lesson in being a new parent - be flexible!!

NEVER SAY NEVER!! (ahem, I mean Never Say Never)

I think all of us can remember being children and uttering those famous words, "I will never do xyz when I'm grown up." The xyz for me usually involved chores such as, "I would never make my kids do yard work, laundry, dishes, clean the bathroom, etc." The complaints of the immature child were endless. As I aged the "I nevers" also aged. At 16 it became, "I would never make my 16 year old ride their bike to school" or "I would never make my teenager stay home on a Friday night." When I became an adult (and I use that term lightly) and a mother, my "nevers" changed yet again. I will never let my children watch network television, I won't feed them processed sugar, I will never say, "Because I said so", but will use reason instead.

I have stood by many of my "nevers" while some have fallen by the wayside. The biggest one however has neither changed since childhood, nor been upheld. As a child I was very sensitive to being yelled at and swore never to do it myself. As a teenager shouting could shut me down, and I once again swore never to shout at my children. As an adult and mother I reaffirmed my commitment to never yell, shout, or holler at my children. So much for nevers.

As most mothers I have found myself on that ragged corner of fatigue and lack of time. One too many times my kids have failed to get ready on time, to pick up their toys, or go to bed. At that moment I have felt my head spiral completely off my body leaving me with a gaping orifice only capable of spouting frustration in the form of unreasonable threats and demands. Things I have heard myself say (that I swore I never would) include, "Pick up those toys or I'm throwing them away. Get dressed or you're not going. Get in this car right now, or I'm leaving you here." Sometimes reason has already been exhausted, sometimes I'm just exhausted. Either way, I have let down the child within in me that said, "never" and meant it. However, tomorrow is a new day, with a new resolve, and the mommy guilt meter will be reset at 0. See you then.

Susan is mom to 5 year-old twin girls. She blogs at Thoughts from a Delirious Mind. Follow her on Twitter.